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No, James. We’re not.

First, I think we disagree on what happiness is. My happiness, for example, isn’t diminished upon my learning that folks in Finland have had a joyful past several years. I don’t know how we could compare happiness in numerical terms when we can’t agree on the experience.

But let’s say that the numbers you cite, at least, represent a legitimate trend. Americans are less and less happy these days. Why is that? Might I suggest the ‘entitlement’ conservatives claim to despise so much. We’re the wealthiest country in the history of the world. As you said, the globe over is jealous of our economy and the technology that has been developed through its industrial might. Here’s a litmus test for anyone who doubts this: find a map and drop a pin at random, assuming it doesn’t land on the United States. Are you glad it landed where it did?

We are a nation of entitled individuals, each one of us. We are entitled in the selfish sense, and I believe we are entitled also to a government who protects certain inalienable rights. We are entitled, for example, to a fair interpretation of the Constitution by our Supreme Court. Before that, we are entitled to a Congress that upholds the Constitution by refusing to let politics sway whether or not a sitting President can nominate a Supreme Court Justice. Once these justices are on the bench, we are entitled to the peace of mind that comes with their refusal to accept lavish gifts from partisan influencers. Is this bribery? I leave the legal distinction to Justice Thomas.

As to your counterpoint, I concede, in humility, that Barack Obama was indeed elected President of the United States in 2008. What I do not concede is the notion that this at all represented leftist ‘hegemony’ over the nation. I’m not sure how well you remember this period – I was ten, personally – but there were quite a few people whom President Obama’s election riled up. 2010 saw the largest midterm election shift of party control since 1938. Also, I seem to remember an expert on birth certificates emerging from the wings? The present leadership of the Republican party, in fact.

Speaking of mental illness – and I make the quip as someone with bipolar disorder – I noticed that you brought up the topic and then dropped it once you were done taking your jab at folks on the left. Cough cough. But again, I must concede. In a self-reported study, I am not surprised that progressives reported these diagnoses at a higher rate than conservatives. I’m sure I don’t need to explain sampling bias to someone writing an article on stats for The Economist. I am curious, though: did I miss a point over the past year when conservatives started getting mental health screenings on the reg? I’m quite relieved.

Finally, regarding being part of a group that I ‘hate’ – I wonder if we encounter the same emotional incompatibility as with happiness. Really, it’s disappointment that I feel towards my fellow Caucasians. We’re the ones who pushed Christianity on everyone. Now, when people see a white dude voting not to house Brown people, that’s who they think Jesus is. Said white dude might also profess not to ‘believe’ in climate change, as if ignorant denial is a viewpoint worthy of respect. Disagree, fine. I do not fear disagreement on college campuses. I fear the wild-eyed preacher screaming at the trans girl in pink and the students who support him. I fear the people who, in that moment, try to take Jesus’ peace away from her.

I’m sorry, one last thing, actually – in response to the notion that conservatives are excited about change. They’re excited about change back, James. Change back. Spare me the incrementalism. Change back is not the same thing as change, no matter how many Trump Bibles tell you so. And once in a while, I have to ask: you realize you’re backing the guy currently arguing in court that he can’t be prosecuted for anything, right? I suppose that is challenging the rule of law. Maybe he’s more progressive than I thought.